I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
