Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize