Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
