you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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