Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
