I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
