At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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