Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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