Your mouth is God's brothel.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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