you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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