My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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