She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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