Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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