believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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