no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
