this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
