I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
