Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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