I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize