at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
