I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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