Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
