best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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