I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
