I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
