Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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