she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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