he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
