You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
