So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
