YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
