i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
