we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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