If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
