There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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