We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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