I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
