Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
