im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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