If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
