Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
