My hand turned me down
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
