I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize