I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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