I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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