Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
