My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He kissed a someone with a penis
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
