it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it wasn't lemon gatorade
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
