Pappa wants mamma naked
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
