she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I looked at my own cervix.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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