you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
