my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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