I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
