Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
