You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
