consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
