So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
