It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You were trust falling into bushes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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