At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
