We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
