I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
