my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
